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JOURNEY THROUGH DEPAKOTE
Nikki’s Story
by Nikki and Anne Heart ♥ August 7, 2025
*Although we wrote this post together, we have chosen to present the following through Nikki’s eyes.
Road to Depakote
By the fall of 2015—six years into following my treatment plan—I had yet to experience any meaningful improvement. Despite my commitment and the passage of time, progress remained elusive. Recognizing the need for a different path, I made the necessary decision to seek support elsewhere.
After an extensive search for a provider who I believed could offer deeper insight, I chose a psychiatrist with over thirty years of experience and top reviews. One who offered a sense of hope I hadn’t felt in years.
New healthcare provider, "new" approach
At our first appointment, I spoke candidly with Dr. S., outlining my current medications—Lithium, Abilify, and a chasteberry supplement—as well as my history of treatments and my ongoing physical and mental health challenges. We discussed in detail my past experiences regarding a series of unsuccessful medication plans.
With empathy and professionalism, Dr. S. detailed the treatment approach she recommended, offering a sense of clarity and cautious optimism that had long been missing from my care.
Her first recommendation was to eliminate the chasteberry supplement, expressing concern that it was contributing more to complications than benefits. Trusting her expertise, I chose to discontinue its use.
Continuing with her recommendations, Dr. S. discussed beginning a new treatment plan–once again centered around medication.
While the approach was familiar, it was offered to me by her experience and based on the complexities of my medical history. She informed me she would collaborate with other seasoned professionals to determine the most appropriate medication strategy, again referring to it as “the right cocktail” for my unique needs. Even with lingering skepticism, I felt a renewed sense of confidence.
Just a few days later, during our follow-up appointment, she confirmed that consultation had taken place. Based on that collective expertise, a revised medication regimen was recommended.
Both my mother and I felt a deep sense of trust in her judgment and commitment to my care.
Beginning of Depakote Sprinkles
The new medication plan consisted of adding another drug to my existing two medications—a Depakote Sprinkles Capsule, along with increasing my current Lithium dosage. My current Abilify dosage was to remain the same.
Shortly after this change, my health mentally and physically took a major turn for the worse.
Within one-month of beginning Depakote Sprinkles, my dosage was increased twice while also adjusting my Lithium and Abilify several times. While my overall wellness continued to decline, the negative effects continued to increase.
It was at this time, I experienced:
- erratic mood behavior
- regular episodes of hallucinations
- a facial rash
In this short period of time, I also went through several withdrawals from the constant altering of my medications.
Within two months on Depakote, I also started experiencing:
- increased anxiety
- extreme negative thoughts
- heart palpitations
- uncontrollable weight gain
- hardening of my skin
Remaining in consistent communication with Dr. S., I continued to voice my concerns—describing the persistent pain and troubling symptoms I was facing.
She responded with steady reassurance, emphasizing that improvement would come once the “right cocktail” of medications was identified, and encouraged patience as this process unfolded.
At one point, she acknowledged that my heightened sensitivity to medications might be contributing to the challenges in my treatment.
However, despite this insight, no changes were made in response. Beyond standard blood work, no additional testing or evaluation was recommended—leaving a noticeable gap between recognition and actionable care.
Recommendation for Depakote Sprinkles and other medications
As my symptoms continued to worsen, Dr. S. recommended I open one of the Depakote Sprinkles’ Capsules and sprinkle approximately half of the capsule on my food nightly.
In her opinion, I can decrease my Depakote slightly in this manner, which would help with the negative effects.
By the end of December 2015, just a little over two months on Depakote, I had severe side effects now consisting of:
- increased erratic mood behavior
- ongoing episodes of hallucinations
- facial rash
- major anxiety
- uncontrollable negative thoughts
- increased heart palpitations
- hardening of skin
- more weight gain
- joint pain
Instead of recognizing Depakote as the likely contributor to my worsening symptoms, Dr. S. suggested a reduction in my Abilify dosage.
Since I was already taking the lowest dose of Abilify, to decrease I was required to cut off the tip of the Abilify pill.
I continued this regimen until the summer of 2016 which included two whole Depakote Sprinkles’ Capsules, a few beads from a third Depakote Sprinkles’ Capsule, and an Abilify tablet with the tip cut off.
As time went on, it became clear that maintaining a consistent Depakote dosage this way was virtually impossible.
Each bead varied in size, and attempting to count them offered no reliable path to precision.
In search of clarity, I took it upon myself to call the manufacturer of the Depakote Sprinkles Capsule.
The information I received from the Depakote manufacturer stated that the capsules should not be opened to remove a portion, as the dosage is based on the weight of all the beads combined.
After informing Dr. S. about my findings and the increased side effects I was having, she switched the Depakote Sprinkles’ Capsules with two 125mg Depakote DR tablets. Sadly, never admitting her prescription advice was inaccurate, only stating this was normal in the medical field.
During a period of a little over a year being on Depakote, I experienced:
- severe memory loss
- nauseousness
- uncontrollable weight gain
- extreme joint pain
- tardive dyskinesia behaviors
- dizziness
- hallucinations
- increased depression
- rashes
- worsen irritability
There were many times I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself and at other times I couldn’t remember how to begin a conversation.
I was in constant, intense physical and mental pain. Even simple tasks like walking became incredibly difficult, often requiring me to use a cane.
Very concerned, I scheduled an appointment with Dr. S. Unknowingly at the time, it would be my last.
My mom accompanied me as I walked into her office needing a cane, but still holding onto hope that I would get the help I needed.
But instead, I was given a thirty-day notice to seek treatment elsewhere.
As I transitioned to yet another healthcare provider, I started my slow withdrawal from Depakote.
On November 18, 2016, I stopped Depakote completely, but I continued to fight a long battle of withdrawals.
In summary:
During the time I was prescribed Depakote, my life became stagnant.
I no longer was able to work; and in fact, I rarely left the house due to neurological dysfunction episodes and overwhelming negative thoughts.
It is unclear what exactly was the direct result of Depakote or the combination of drugs knowingly being prescribed to me by a medical doctor and filled by a pharmacist.
Over the years I have become informed that the combination of drugs I was prescribed can be very detrimental.
Along with learning that Depakote cannot be opened to take only a portion, I have also learned that Abilify must be taken whole and not altered in any way.
Lastly, my medication sensitivities where never truly acknowledged. Years later, I was tested and do indeed have significant allergies to chemicals including Nichol, Colbalt and Balsum of Peru.
Why is my story important to you?
- To help you become aware
- To provide information you may not normally get
- To empower you with knowledge
- To stop this from happening to you
How can this happen to you?
- A lack of knowledge in prescribing drugs
- Incorrect information provided to you
- Relying on protocol treatment plans instead of looking at the individual patient
- Not truly listening to the patient
- Unwillingness to recognize a problem with a treatment plan
- Lack of awareness of physical and mental pain pertaining to mental health
What can you do?
- Question the medication prescriber
- Research about the medication
- Learn about different techniques and self-help programs
- Realize there is no such thing as a quick fix
- Trust yourself
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Note: All information in “Nikki’s Story and Mom’s Story” are based on detail journals covering seven years of Nikki’s life on prescription drugs.
Medical Disclaimer: We share informational resources that are intended to help you with your self-care plan. We are not professionals. We write based on personal experience and personal research.
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