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Helping Someone
By Nikki and Anne Heart ♥ August 28, 2025
*Although we wrote this post together, we have chosen to present the following through Mom’s eyes.
Mom's Story: Journey to Help
Discovering true help.
Supporting someone through a wellness struggle is one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced.
Over the years, I’ve had to come to terms with a painful truth: not every problem has a quick fix. That lesson didn’t come easily. Especially when I was told otherwise by the healthcare providers.
As a mother, my instinct was to leap into action. I wanted to rescue Nikki from her pain, both physical and emotional. I searched endlessly for something—anything—that might offer instant relief. And honestly, I still catch myself doing that sometimes.
In my desperation to ease her suffering, I’d start rattling off suggestions: “We can try this,” “You should do that,” “Let’s look into this.” I was grasping for control in a situation that felt so out of my hands.
But the hardest part? Accepting that some solutions take time—or may not be within reach at all. That’s a heartbreaking reality to sit with.
And when you’re clinging to hope, even well-meaning efforts can start to feel like empty promises. It’s a quiet kind of grief, watching what you thought might help actually contributes to false hope and unfilled promises.
Learning how to help.
Helping someone who’s struggling with their mental health can be difficult.
I’ve learned that support means showing up, consistently and compassionately, even when the path forward isn’t clear.
Here are a few things I’ve come to understand:
Listen deeply. Not just to the words, but to the emotions behind them. Sometimes what’s said isn’t the whole story.
Drop the judgment. Their feelings may not make sense to you, but they’re real to them.
Resist the urge to “snap them out of it.” If it were that simple, they’d have done it already. Mental health doesn’t respond to willpower alone.
Offer comfort, not solutions. Sometimes all they need is a quiet presence—a shoulder, a hug, a moment of peace.
Be consistent. Your presence, even in silence, can be a lifeline.
And above all—remember that everyone’s journey is different. What works for one person may not work for another. Stay flexible. Stay kind.
Recognize the individual’s challenges.
One of Nikki’s most persistent challenges has been her struggle with negative thoughts. It’s something she continues to face daily, and while we now understand that her obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) will require lifelong management, the goal is to ensure it doesn’t consume her life.
What I’ve come to realize is that support starts with listening, understanding, and a willingness to learn. It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about being present and responsive to what she needs, even when those needs shift.
Sometimes, that support is physical:
- Offering to drive when the person may not feel safe behind the wheel
- Helping with chores when they feel their energy is low
- Offering assistance with everyday tasks that may become overwhelming at times
Other times, it’s emotional:
- Siting with the person in silence
- Offering a shoulder to cry on or a hug
- Listening to them without trying to fix
- Simply being there, without judgement or expectation
Every day is different. And every act of support, no matter how small, matters.
What helps most is showing up. Even at times when you can’t be there physically, reaching out with phone calls, texts, emails, and of course old fashion snail mail can help.
Help can be challenging.
Nikki has endured more than most—she’s truly been through hell and back. Her strength is undeniable.
But I’ll be honest, supporting her has sometimes taken a toll on me, too. I don’t live with OCD myself, and there are moments when it’s hard to fully grasp what she’s going through. Admittedly, I lose patience even when I know she’s not to blame.
What I have learned is help doesn’t have to be something major. Simple things can go a long way in helping someone.
Being an active listener is key and helping build their self-esteem can go along way with their mental wellness.
Learn to practice self-care for yourself so you can help the person in need with their self-care.
Sometimes a person in need cannot be their own advocate. Help by researching the correct treatment plan for that individual which may be different from what is being told.
Remember, the advice given from a professional may not always be the correct advice for the individual. Listen to the individual reaching out for help.
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♥
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” Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.”
-Albert Einstein-
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Note: All information in “Nikki’s Story and Mom’s Story” are based on detail journals covering seven years of Nikki’s life on prescription drugs.
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